We all know that every now and then we cath on TV a story about a man or a woman who climbs a high billboard and threatens to jump of it citing different reasons including poverty, betrayed love among other things. If you're on national television then you are famous, right. So here are the following steps on becoming famous in the Philippines(via billboards).
1. Go look for a billboard. Any billboard will do as long as it's high enough that even Stupid Spidey Man will be afraid to climb it. Not even Spider Pig would be brave enough to scale it.The higher the billboard, the better. At least for your quest for fame. And one more thing...make sure the steel support is free from rust. You don't wanna die from tetanus, do you. Rust kills, remember that.
2.Climb the billboard. And don't fall.
3.When you reach the top of the billboard, shout to the people below that you climbed it because it is your intention to jump and spread your blood and brains on the pavement below. Remind them that you are planning to commit suicide because your girlfriend dumped you or you caught your wife sleeping with a man other than you. That means another man. Tell them that you are serious. It may not be necessary but it would help if you try to cry like and shed some tears. A tear or two will do but if you can cry a bucket, why not. It's your eyewater, not mine. But don't cry by the drums or you'll die of dehydration.
4. Now, stay put and wait for the cops and media to arrive. Just wait and listen to the police sirens and see if the video cameras have arrived.
5. Be very patient. Don't jump nor slip.
6. Let the cops climb up like monkeys to you. Let them talk to you. Let them coax and convince you to come down. Let them plead to you.
7. Give yourself a pat on the back and come down. Or to be more dramatic let the cops carry you down the billboard. And keep sobbing and keep your eyes teary.
That's it. See, very simple. Piece of cake. You will be famous in no time. It's a guarantee, you will be on today's evening news. Either Mike Enriquez or Julius Babao will be reporting about you and millions of fellow Filipinos will be watching your sorry predicament.
Note: If the media doesn't arrive, there is no way you will be famous. So it's highly suggested that you jump. JUMP! A man who dropped dead from the sky is bad news. But the good news is-the media loves bad news. So JUMP and be famous although you won't be around to enjoy that fame.
And one more thing, carry a gun with you just in case one of the cops become hostile and want to end the circus the easy way which is shoot you down to earth. But then again that would be totally unnecessary. But then again, to be sure, carry a gun.